This may kill me but......

I got a book for Christmas.  I know that isn't anything shocking since I love to read, but this is different.  The book I got from my mom was "How to have a new teenager in 5 days".  Most of the advice in the book is simple, and most of what is in there I have read before.  However the way it is presented is a little different.

I am starting the steps that the book gives.  Unfortunately, I have managed to make both of the boys upset already this afternoon since they aren't getting what they want today.  One of the phrases I like the most from the book is "Keep your wind out of their sails".  It takes two to argue and if I don't argue, then I leave them floundering.  It's got both my kids off balance right now and they are angry since things aren't going the way they are used to.

Right now Del is sitting on the couch, wrapped up in his blankets, trying to convince me to let him have some of his free time for this block back.  He's sitting here telling me "you have to accept that you aren't going to get everything you want".  I just threw him off balance again.  Oops, I thought I did anyway.  Eek, there goes Kate running to the bathroom, trying to pull her pants down at the same time so she can go potty.

My life is insane...  Can we tell?  Lovely, my parenting is coming back to bite me.  Del is sitting here spouting phrases back at me that I can clearly recognize as things I've said over the years.  Yikes!  This is really gonna suck.  Now I have to undo what I have been doing wrong for the last 13 years.  Jeez! He's still trying to convince me to let him play this block.  He's trying to compromise and anything else he can think of....

This may kill me yet, but I am still going to give it my best shot.  He's still trying to justify why he should be playing....  I told him that he could play during the free time block after dinner and hygiene but he his still trying to convince me.  Sigh.  I think it is going to be a long afternoon and evening.

He was up at 4 am again.....  This mess of him getting up in the middle of the night or early in the morning when everyone else is asleep is driving me nuts!  Today he was playing the Wii when I got up.  Granted he had made his bed, but he wasn't dressed for school, done his hygiene, or anything else to get ready for his day.  He was fine when we got in the van, but by the time I let him out at the school, the answer I got was "let's just get this over with".  Makes me crazy!  I wish I had any ideas on how to make it easier for him and keep him in better spirits on the way to school.  Part of it has to be that he isn't getting enough sleep.  But when I send him to bed at 8:15, he's up way too early in the morning.  If I let him stay up till 9, he doesn't get enough sleep and we have issues there.  I just can't find a middle ground here...

So much for my plans today...

So much for school today.  And so much for my plans for today. Del decided as we were waiting to go to school this morning that he was "in too much pain" to sit through seven hours of class and an hour of lunch, not to mention going to gym today.  I told him I would bring him some Ibuprofen to the school, but that wasn't good enough for him.  He was determined that he was not going to school.  After we got to the school, he refused to get out of the van, even though his aide and I told him he could go just sit down in a room with his weighted blanket.  We told him that he didn't have to go to gym, but that wasn't good enough either.  I had no choice but to just bring him home.  Now he seems just fine.  I did tell him that he has no game privileges since he wouldn't go to school.  Of course he told me the same thing he always does.  He doesn't care that he doesn't get to play.  That's not why he wants to go home.  He wants to go lay down in his room and get some rest since he "got up on the wrong side of the bed".  Gee, I wonder why he thinks that?  Couldn't be because he woke me up at 5 o'clock this morning, could it?

Great, now I have even more to deal with today.  The physical therapy office Donald uses just called and cancelled his appointment for this afternoon. They are claiming that he has used all his authorized visits.  How is that possible?  He's only been in three times since the new referral from the insurance was issued.  This is getting a little old here.  The insurance company sent us a letter authorizing 12 visits starting the beginning of December, then sent us a letter a couple weeks later saying his authorization had been denied.  We took care of that and found out that the denial letter shouldn't have been issued and he was good to go.  Now the physical therapist's office is saying he's used all his visits when he's only been in three times.  Some days.....

So much for my plans today.  I had planned on running a couple of quick errands and then spending the rest of the day catching up on laundry.  Now I have to drag Del with me to run my errands, which I can't put off. And then go out to the physical therapist's office to take the original referral letter to them and try to figure out what is going on this time.  Can't seem to catch a break.  Even on my rare days when I don't have anything on my schedule (like today), I can't get done what I need to.

I've come to the conclusion that I need a clone of myself (or maybe two).  Barring that, I think I need a personal assistant to help me keep up with everything I need to do around here.  Some days I can keep all the balls in the air and other days I have trouble just keeping one or two up in the air.  Wonder if there's anyone who wants to take on the job of keeping me running?  Considering it's low pay (more like no-pay), frustrating, and VERY time intensive, I'm pretty sure I'm just out of luck!

Is it time for school yet?

Ugh.  I am so ready for them to go back to school already.  All the kids are riled up today for some reason.  Even Kate.  Especially Kate.  They are all pushing boundaries today and Kate is really trying to push buttons on everyone.  I guess it doesn't help that Donald is spending the day stripping floors since they weren't done Friday and Saturday night like they were supposed to.  I mistakenly thought that when he became a Senior NCO, he wouldn't have to be doing stuff like this anymore.  Guess I was wrong.  He ought to be nice and grumpy by the time he gets home. Stripping the floors and then waxing and buffing them ought to make his back feel just LOVELY!  Yeah me!

I haven't posted in a coupole of days.  Life, as always, is constant and chaotic around here.  But that's ok nowadays.  At least it isn't major meltdowns and rages anymore making it that way.  Now we are just dealing with normal everyday life issues.  What a change that is!  I think we may be the closest to a "normal family life" that we have ever been.  Well, sort of anyway.  Del still has his moments. Especially when Kate starts following him and doing things he doesn't think is right. Oh well. It is still much more than we have ever had.  And for that I am grateful.

Del and I went to his school Friday morning.  He got to see his teachers again and re-connect with the lady who is generally his aide.  She calls him her 'bodyguard'.  I guess there was an incident last year where another student was rude to her, or something along those lines, and Del stepped up to defend her.  Ever since, she's has called him that. It's actually quite cute.  Del also got to see the special needs teacher and the other aide for the s.n. program at the school.  They couldn't get over how much he's grown or his mustache!  I know, right?  13 years old and he has a mustache growing already.  I can't even begin to imagine how much trouble it will cause when he has to start shaving.

How 'normal' an action is this?  We actually went out to dinner as a family last night!  And it wasn't a total disaster!  Well the food kinda was.  And definitely not worth the money.  I decided I wanted to go out as a family but hadn't decided where yet. So Donald decided that we would go try one of the casino's and eat at the buffet.  Good thing they offered a military discount, and a hefty one at that!  But there wasn't much of a selection really, and we have had better food at much less expensive places.  It was an experience though.  We have lived here just over two years and that was the first time I have even stepped into one of the many casinos around here.  Silly, huh?  The boys did fairly well at dinner, not starting their games with each other or their sister.  Kate had a good time too, though she didn't eat much at all.  Other than desert of course.

I am still waiting to see how Del does with school starting tomorrow.  It means a whole new schedule and routine.  As well as he has been doing, hopefully he will adjust well and all will go smoothly.  If he does, maybe I will finally be able to start doing classes again.  I quit back in October or so since the stress of Del being in the hospital along with everything else was just too much for me to try and complete assignments on top of it.  I really want to finish my Bachelor's, I think I have less than 30 credits left to finish.  Then I can look for a college to start my Master's.  It would be nice to get this done.

Well, we've made it through another day.  Had our bumps but managed to hold it together one more time.  Even with the new medication, the fixations still remain, though not as bad or as all-consuming as they were.  Now if I could just get Kate to go to sleep.  Everyone else is out, but not her.  She's still bouncing around upstairs in her room.  Tomorrow we are going to go to the school so that Del can get reacquainted with the school and the teachers he'll be working with. We'll see how it goes.  I'm going to have him go ahead and wear his uniform to the school tomorrow.  Maybe they will let him stay.  I could use a break.  Even though he's doing so much better, it still takes a toll on me.  Just the stress, waiting to see if or what will set him off and how far he will go.

Today it was missing free time this afternoon.  We had errands to run this morning.  Took Del to see the pediatrician on base to update her about his meds, ask for them to be ordered through our clinic, and let her know about his hospitalization and how he was doing since he had come home.  We left there and got the oil changed in my van.  Del did really good with waiting both times.  After that we went to commissary to pick up a few items that we needed.  He even did really well there too.  I didn't take a list since I only needed a few items.  But he did hold the coupons for me and was very good about Katey being wound up.  By the time we got home it was already just after 1pm.  Lunch was supposed to be at 11:30 and then it's quiet time until 2.  After we got done eating, it was already 1:30.  I made Katey go upstairs for her quiet time anyway (which is probably why she won't go to sleep now!) and Del laid down in the living room with me to watch TV like we normally do.  We all fell asleep, and didn't get back up until around 4.  By that time, we had missed free time, which ends at 4.

Del got really upset since he wanted to play.  It took me almost 45 minutes to get through that one.  Even though he didn't get physical, it still takes a bit toll on me.  He went back and forth between raging and crying.  I finally had to wrap him in a blanket and put him on the couch.  It probably took another 45 minutes to get him to finish calming down. So that put everything else behind.  Dinner didn't get on the table until almost 6, which put us another 45 minutes behind schedule.  Luckily, the rest of the evening is pretty open so we could get back on track.  But I didn't realize just how fixed he was on the schedule again.  Yeah me.  The schedule was to help him adjust from the hospital to being home.  Now we have just transferred to him being fixed on our schedule instead of their.  Whoopee.  Oh well, I know that he needs the routine and structure.  I just never envisioned my life like this, especially at this point.  I live by a clock, every day, all day.  It weighs me down, just thinking about it.

I thought I had come to terms with this life.  Guess just not as much as I thought.  One step forward and two back again.  And there really isn't an end in sight.

A new day

I actually had an uninterrupted night's sleep!  Amazing!  Del stayed down the whole night for a change and Kate didn't wake up with nightmares.  What a difference not being woken up several times a night makes.  Granted I do still have a headache this morning, but that is no different than any other morning.  These stupid headaches haven't given me any peace in over 2 months now.  I just live on my Naproxen every day to keep them down to a manageable roar.

I was reading my email this morning and scanned through a message from a woman with an Autistic daughter.  It broke my heart to read it, since she deals with the same problems I have had from Del for years.  Her daughter becomes violent when she gets upset and attacks the mom.  However this poor lady has had to battle her fear of Social Services as well as all the problems from her daughter's disorder.  Her fear is so great of them that it has pretty much paralyzed her and kept her from seeking the help she needs.

I look back at the years I have dealt with Del's conditions and can't begin to imagine what I would have done or how we would have survived (I don't think we would have), had it not been for the therapists and the psychiatrists that we worked with.  We have had some really amazing doctors over the last 10 years, in different areas of the country.  That has made all the difference when it comes to major problems with behaviors and schools and such.  There have been times that the only thing between my family and disaster was the caring doctors standing with us.

This poor lady on the message board is finally reaching out, looking for help and answers.  She is so far under water on this that she is seriously considering sending her daughter out of state to a school designed for children with oppositional issues.  I hate to tell her that unless she addresses the underlying issues, like sensory overload and environmental problems, that school will fail as well.  She's mentioned going for help but not mentioning the rages.  That isn't going to help her at all.  You have to be honest and upfront with the doctors or else they can't help you or your child.

What a shame that this woman is so afraid to seek help for her child and family due to fear that Social Services will be brought in.

Finally!

Holy cow!  I actually made it through the day!  Everyone but me is in bed and asleep.  A miracle around here since it's only 9:45 at night.  I think I am actually going to call it a day early for a change and make it to my bed before midnight.  Wonder how long it will take me to actually go to sleep....

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Never ending energy

Up since about 2:45 this morning, and he's still going.  Granted, he's starting to get a little grumpy and quick to snap at everyone, but then so am I at this point.  And I managed to doze for about an hour during quiet time today.  Yes, I lay down and hopefully get a nap during afternoon quiet time.  Most people know not to call my house between certain times of the day since I don't like having the phone ring.

People don't always realize that sudden noises, like the phone or the doorbell, can upset kids with Autism.  Luckily, I have managed to find a ring tone for my cell phone that is not shocking or obnoxious that I can hear even when it isn't turned all the way up. Now if  I could just get people to quit ringing my doorbell...  I hate that I have to resort to posting a sign so that people won't ring.  Too bad I can't figure out a way to have a message on my phone during quiet time reminding people that it is quiet time in my house and to call later.

Good grief! Every time something happens, Del (my 13 year old Autistic son) apologizes repeatedly now. He acts like we are going to freak out on him over small stuff. A few minutes ago, he came downstairs to tell me that he accidentally broke something.  Turns out, he pulled the curtain rod off on one side of his window.  Since the bed is right against that window, that isn't too surprising.  Nor is it the first time it has happened.  But he acts like he is going to get in major trouble for it.  I just stood on the bed and fixed it while he stood behind me, telling me over and over that he was sorry and he didn't mean to break it.  I don't think we have ever fussed at him over breaking something accidentally other than to tell him to be more careful.  Now if he breaks something on purpose, that's another story.  Then there are consequences of course.  It's going to be a long day since it isn't even 6 am yet and I have already been up for three hours.

This blog might be a very good thing....  I may have found a way to keep my sanity and relieve stress from the everyday chaos around here.  Hmmm.  Wish I had thought of this sooner.

January 4, 2012

Well, Happy New Year to everyone.  Now that the holidays are officially past, we can go on with our daily lives and put the holidays and their craziness away for another year.  The next question becomes, will I ever sleep again?  Here it is, 4 o'clock in the morning, and obviously I am sitting here at the computer, typing away.  I've been up since 2:30 when I heard my middle child (13 years old) get up to use the bathroom.  Why would that wake me up?  Let's see....  He's only been home about 2 weeks after a 5 month stay in a long-term residential center for treatment of problems due to Autism.  And I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  So of course I wake up every time he opens his door at night.  That is about 2 to 3 times a night.  Every night.  Because I have to remind him to go back to bed and go back to sleep when he is done.  Otherwise he goes back to his room and sits on the bed and talks to himself.  He can do that for hours.  And of course I can't sleep when he does.

I don't think I have gotten a full uninterrupted night's sleep since he came home.  If it isn't him waking me up coming out of his room, his 3 year old sister has a nightmare and wakes me up crying, wanting to come out of her room.  I know I should be happy and thankful (and I am, truly I am) that my son is doing so much better since he has come home. I just wonder if I am ever going to sleep again.  Right now I think I am averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night, taking in all the waking up and having to get up to handle the kids.  And then there is my oldest, who is 15.  Right now he is alternating between pacing his room and pacing the living room.  Yeah, I know, he's 15 and they are night owls.  The problem is that when I have trouble sleeping, I really can't sleep hearing him wander throughout the house.

Ahhh, sweet coffee, the nectar of my life.  If the world ran out of coffee tomorrow, I think I would be in trouble.  I look back at when I was younger and wonder how on earth I managed to make it through my day and take care of two small kids back then without my miracle beverage.  I know, it's kinda silly to sit here and drink coffee when I really, really want to go back to sleep but I think sleep is a lost cause for the moment.  Maybe during quiet time today I can catch a nap.  I actually have a day on my schedule that isn't already accounted for!  Shocking!