Quiet morning

Ahh.  It is so nice outside this morning.  According to the van, it's only 65 degrees out there.  Very nice!  Everyone is off to school and  work, so it's only me and Kate here.  Nice and quiet in the house.  Finished my 2nd English class on Monday and started my Intro to Film class yesterday.  Counting this class, only 3 let until I graduate.  I'm so excited!  I will miss doing these classes, and I will especially miss Ashford since they have been so good.  When I decide to start my Master's, I will have to find another college since Ashford doesn't have the programs I need.  That kinda makes me sad since I really enjoy this place.  Oh well, thoughts for another day.
There is a craft vendor fair the beginning of December again this year.  I was thinking about combining the cards with comfort scarves.  I just don't know how they would go over.  Been trying to get in touch with Andrea to get her thoughts on it, but we just haven't been able to connect lately to talk about it.

Funky

Talk about a funky weekend.  Pouring down rain Friday morning before school time.  Rain had pretty much stopped by the time I had to leave to take Del to the bus.  Too bad I didn't realize the roads I have to take flood  that bad...  That really sucked!  Floated my van not a block from the house.  Didn't get very far, did I?    Had to call Donald to come get us.  He thought it was funny.  We didn't  though.  He gave me his truck keys after he got me out of the large "puddle" I was in.  But there were so many roads flooded that I just gave it up and came back to the house.  Del's bus driver called me, but he couldn't come get him since they weren't letting any more buses through the gates due to the flooding.  Called Del's teacher and let her know too.  Donald ended up throwing the belt on my van bringing it home, so he spent the next two hours fixing that.  Needless to say, he wasn't happy.  Even after he got it fixed, I didn't want to try and drive all the way to Del's school.  Too far and there were supposed to be more big storms coming....  Nope.  Just kept my happy self at home.  I didn't even go out the gate until yesterday morning.  Van seems to be doing OK, but I'm going to take it in later and get it checked out and the oil changed, just to be safe.  Ugh.  Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Too Much to Ask?

Is is too really too much to ask for my husband and my kids NOT to be stupid when I am trying to write a term paper?  I've only been attending this school for the last 2 1/2 years and the schedule has only been  the same the ENTIRE time.  My entire family knows that I have homework on Thursdays and Mondays.  And I have papers due on Mondays.  So what do they do?  Danny decides to throw a fit because I won't just drop everything and drive him up to the Boardwalk so he and and some friends can walk around and "look for jobs".  Not like I have anything better to do.  It's only after 4pm, haven't started dinner, still have papers to write, kid to put through showers and in bed, house to clean....  Dinner ended up being an hour late since I had to send my husband to the store for sour cream since I have no idea what happened to the container I had in the fridge.  That took almost 30 minutes right there.  I finally get dinner on the table and Danny is asleep in his room.  Guess that is what happens when you stay up half the night and still have to get up and go to school.  At least I get to lay down during the day to take a nap when Kate does.  So I finally sit down about 8 to start writing and Del decides that is when he needs to come downstairs and tell us he is having trouble with a couple kids in his class.  His daddy goes ballistic.  The last couple of years, that was how the "I'm not going to school" started.  Trouble with other kids, trouble with the teachers, on and on until he just wasn't going or it was a battle to get him out of the van at the door.  So his dad immediately jumped to that conclusion and got mad.  I sent Del upstairs and went outside to calm down.  Ridiculous that he waits till I sit down to write to start this and that his dad can't even hear him out before getting upset.  Turns out Del is handling it at school like he is supposed to, just wanted us to know what was going on. (Supposedly).

Can I get a day where I don't have to play mediator between my kids or between my husband and the kids? I finally get my paper done at about 11:45, still have other homework to finish and turn in by midnight.  That still leaves me with the house to clean up before I can go to bed.  I didn't even bother to make hubby's lunch before I went to bed.  Left if for this morning.  Made it before I left to take Del to the bus.  Still have a sink of dishes, but wasn't waiting up for the dishwasher to finish so I could unload and re-load it.  Ugh...  At least it was gorgeous out this morning when I walked out the door.  Nice and cool, only about 72 according to the van...  Wish it would stay that way.

And I seriously need a new keyboard.  The space bar on this one doesn't like to play nice anymore.

Ugh. Mondays!!!

As much as I prefer the school year to summer vacation, I remembered this weekend one of the downsides to the school year.  The kids get into the habit of waking up early (this year they adjusted quick!), and don't sleep in on the weekends.  So I don't get to either!  Oh well.  In the scheme of things this is minor.  The school year is easier, when Del goes to school, since they have to be on a such a strict schedule.  But Mondays are always rough.  This morning it was a slightly late start, no time to play computer before we left for the bus, and a broken plate....  The up side is that he got on the bus with no problems.  I did call the school and talk to one of the paras and let them know about his morning though.  Since I don't like being blindsided with stuff, I try not to do that to others.  He may be just fine when he gets there but don't want to take the chance that he isn't.

Del had a big weekend.  Danny asked on Friday if he could have a friend come over to hang out for a while on Saturday.  Through some misunderstanding between them, the friend thought he was spending the night.  Not something we usually allow since Del doesn't do very well with strangers in the house, but I decided to go ahead and try it.  Del was kinda wound up at first, but he settled and did ok later.  I didn't take Danny's friend home until 1:30 yesterday afternoon, so that gave Del more time to adjust to someone else being in the house.  He did fairly well overall but it isn't something I would want to do every weekend I don't think.

Here's to keeping our fingers crossed that we get through this week as well as we did last week......

Just have to keep in mind:   

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Geez!

You would think Del wants to go to school or something!  He woke me up at 5:30 wanting me to get up and get ready to take him to the bus.  We don't have to leave until 6:30...  Danny on the other hand, he's already fighting about getting up and getting ready when he is supposed to.  I told him yesterday that he has to be up, dressed, downstairs, and ready to go before I leave.  He was in bed asleep by a decent time, but he certainly isn't a morning person.  Ugh.  I really haven't had enough coffee yet this morning!

First day of school

Both boys made it through the first day of school with flying colors it seems.  My oldest's schedule got changed since he isn't playing football any more and doesn't need PE both semesters.  I think he's talked to me more in the 10 minutes since I came in the door than he has at one time in months.  And I didn't have to pry to get him to talk to me either!  My younger son did very well on the bus and at the school.  I called (after school ended) and talked to one of the aides in the room.  She said she saw him at lunch and he seemed to be in good spirits and did well.  He even initiated conversation with her!  Talk about cool.  He said he went to math and to social studies, but his teacher said they were going to wait a week before going to PE to let all the craziness subside.  That sounds like a plan to me.  My son said he enjoyed riding the bus and likes the driver and the aide. He was in good spirits when I picked him up too.  That is a relief to me.  Still don't want to get my hopes up.  We'll see....

The First School Morning of the Year

So everything seemed to go smooth this morning.  Boys got up easy, got ready quickly, and we made it out of the house relatively on time.  Too bad the train halfway between here and the drop-off decided to come to a complete stop across our path...  Oh well, good thing I have the bus driver's phone number, huh?  My son said he was excited about going back to school.  We got in the car and the first thing he told me was "be good, follow direction, stay calm".  I stayed at the transfer station until his bus pulled out.  And then I cried all the way back to the house.  After the last two years, I am terrified that we are starting the whole routine again.  My hope is that this teacher actually does what she says she does and doesn't just give up.  Everyone else has in the last two years.  It's not like this is the first time I have sent my son off to school.  I know this is a reaction to the stress of the last couple of years and my husband's fear (not that he will admit it) of what this year will bring.

Now I just have to keep myself from calling the school to check on him.....

Hmmm.

Well, he apparently is talking to me again.  At least somewhat.  And for some reason, I lost my mind again and agreed to hold a birthday party here for a guy that my husband works with....  That's ok, it'll be fine I am sure.  I can always send my son upstairs to his room with a laptop.  Certainly can't send him to my room, he'll have gone through everything I own before the night is through.

Now what?

So, he didn't talk to me when he finally came home last night.  And he didn't wake me up when he got ready for work, even though I was sleeping in the living room.  Don't really know what is eating him, but I don't really care right now.  Now I have to figure out what to do about our son and school.  Do I just break down and drive him each way, every day because that is what my husband wants? Or do I stick with the plan so that I don't drive so much each day?  Or is there a middle ground somewhere?  Drive him in the morning, and let him ride the bus in the afternoon?  It would be nice if I didn't have to spend so much time having to figure out how to get things done without upsetting my husband or my children.....

Wrong Again...

Ok, apparently I am in the wrong again....  If he didn't want me to set up transportation for our son so that I don't have to drive him every day back and forth to school, why did he wait until today AFTER I met with the new school and talked to the Special Needs department?  Here I thought he might want to know what I was able to work out with them, and instead he gets mad and ends up leaving the house.  Don't know where he went, don't know when he will be back.  I don't even want to talk about it.  I gathered from what he said that he basically thinks this is all a waste of time since the school is going to give up on our son in a month anyway.  Yeah me.  What a way to start the school year....

And I figured out that I can't blog from my phone today.  Can't use any of the punctuation marks above the letter keys, so no commas or apostrophes or anything like that....  Oh well.  It was a good idea while it lasted.  Unless I write without needing any of those.

School's almost here!

Two more days until school starts.  And now the school district doesn't know if they are going to let my son go to the school THEY want him to go to...  All because I don't feel comfortable driving 300 miles a week and spending 10 hours each week on the road for him to go to school. I have no problem with him going to this school, I just can't put that many miles on my van and on my back each week.  Now it's a waiting game to see what they are going to do....  Yeah me....

When?

When do I get to stop being the bad guy?

I came face to face with a demon from my past yesterday.  Not literally, but in the sense that I actually faced it and admitted it belonged to me. I wonder how much of our lives is governed by the demons and skeletons in our past?  Don't get me wrong, I know that some of my quirks (probably a lot of them) are reactions to things that have happened in my past.  But it makes you wonder what things you do that you don't realize are actually results of your past...

This may kill me but......

I got a book for Christmas.  I know that isn't anything shocking since I love to read, but this is different.  The book I got from my mom was "How to have a new teenager in 5 days".  Most of the advice in the book is simple, and most of what is in there I have read before.  However the way it is presented is a little different.

I am starting the steps that the book gives.  Unfortunately, I have managed to make both of the boys upset already this afternoon since they aren't getting what they want today.  One of the phrases I like the most from the book is "Keep your wind out of their sails".  It takes two to argue and if I don't argue, then I leave them floundering.  It's got both my kids off balance right now and they are angry since things aren't going the way they are used to.

Right now Del is sitting on the couch, wrapped up in his blankets, trying to convince me to let him have some of his free time for this block back.  He's sitting here telling me "you have to accept that you aren't going to get everything you want".  I just threw him off balance again.  Oops, I thought I did anyway.  Eek, there goes Kate running to the bathroom, trying to pull her pants down at the same time so she can go potty.

My life is insane...  Can we tell?  Lovely, my parenting is coming back to bite me.  Del is sitting here spouting phrases back at me that I can clearly recognize as things I've said over the years.  Yikes!  This is really gonna suck.  Now I have to undo what I have been doing wrong for the last 13 years.  Jeez! He's still trying to convince me to let him play this block.  He's trying to compromise and anything else he can think of....

This may kill me yet, but I am still going to give it my best shot.  He's still trying to justify why he should be playing....  I told him that he could play during the free time block after dinner and hygiene but he his still trying to convince me.  Sigh.  I think it is going to be a long afternoon and evening.

He was up at 4 am again.....  This mess of him getting up in the middle of the night or early in the morning when everyone else is asleep is driving me nuts!  Today he was playing the Wii when I got up.  Granted he had made his bed, but he wasn't dressed for school, done his hygiene, or anything else to get ready for his day.  He was fine when we got in the van, but by the time I let him out at the school, the answer I got was "let's just get this over with".  Makes me crazy!  I wish I had any ideas on how to make it easier for him and keep him in better spirits on the way to school.  Part of it has to be that he isn't getting enough sleep.  But when I send him to bed at 8:15, he's up way too early in the morning.  If I let him stay up till 9, he doesn't get enough sleep and we have issues there.  I just can't find a middle ground here...

So much for my plans today...

So much for school today.  And so much for my plans for today. Del decided as we were waiting to go to school this morning that he was "in too much pain" to sit through seven hours of class and an hour of lunch, not to mention going to gym today.  I told him I would bring him some Ibuprofen to the school, but that wasn't good enough for him.  He was determined that he was not going to school.  After we got to the school, he refused to get out of the van, even though his aide and I told him he could go just sit down in a room with his weighted blanket.  We told him that he didn't have to go to gym, but that wasn't good enough either.  I had no choice but to just bring him home.  Now he seems just fine.  I did tell him that he has no game privileges since he wouldn't go to school.  Of course he told me the same thing he always does.  He doesn't care that he doesn't get to play.  That's not why he wants to go home.  He wants to go lay down in his room and get some rest since he "got up on the wrong side of the bed".  Gee, I wonder why he thinks that?  Couldn't be because he woke me up at 5 o'clock this morning, could it?

Great, now I have even more to deal with today.  The physical therapy office Donald uses just called and cancelled his appointment for this afternoon. They are claiming that he has used all his authorized visits.  How is that possible?  He's only been in three times since the new referral from the insurance was issued.  This is getting a little old here.  The insurance company sent us a letter authorizing 12 visits starting the beginning of December, then sent us a letter a couple weeks later saying his authorization had been denied.  We took care of that and found out that the denial letter shouldn't have been issued and he was good to go.  Now the physical therapist's office is saying he's used all his visits when he's only been in three times.  Some days.....

So much for my plans today.  I had planned on running a couple of quick errands and then spending the rest of the day catching up on laundry.  Now I have to drag Del with me to run my errands, which I can't put off. And then go out to the physical therapist's office to take the original referral letter to them and try to figure out what is going on this time.  Can't seem to catch a break.  Even on my rare days when I don't have anything on my schedule (like today), I can't get done what I need to.

I've come to the conclusion that I need a clone of myself (or maybe two).  Barring that, I think I need a personal assistant to help me keep up with everything I need to do around here.  Some days I can keep all the balls in the air and other days I have trouble just keeping one or two up in the air.  Wonder if there's anyone who wants to take on the job of keeping me running?  Considering it's low pay (more like no-pay), frustrating, and VERY time intensive, I'm pretty sure I'm just out of luck!

Is it time for school yet?

Ugh.  I am so ready for them to go back to school already.  All the kids are riled up today for some reason.  Even Kate.  Especially Kate.  They are all pushing boundaries today and Kate is really trying to push buttons on everyone.  I guess it doesn't help that Donald is spending the day stripping floors since they weren't done Friday and Saturday night like they were supposed to.  I mistakenly thought that when he became a Senior NCO, he wouldn't have to be doing stuff like this anymore.  Guess I was wrong.  He ought to be nice and grumpy by the time he gets home. Stripping the floors and then waxing and buffing them ought to make his back feel just LOVELY!  Yeah me!

I haven't posted in a coupole of days.  Life, as always, is constant and chaotic around here.  But that's ok nowadays.  At least it isn't major meltdowns and rages anymore making it that way.  Now we are just dealing with normal everyday life issues.  What a change that is!  I think we may be the closest to a "normal family life" that we have ever been.  Well, sort of anyway.  Del still has his moments. Especially when Kate starts following him and doing things he doesn't think is right. Oh well. It is still much more than we have ever had.  And for that I am grateful.

Del and I went to his school Friday morning.  He got to see his teachers again and re-connect with the lady who is generally his aide.  She calls him her 'bodyguard'.  I guess there was an incident last year where another student was rude to her, or something along those lines, and Del stepped up to defend her.  Ever since, she's has called him that. It's actually quite cute.  Del also got to see the special needs teacher and the other aide for the s.n. program at the school.  They couldn't get over how much he's grown or his mustache!  I know, right?  13 years old and he has a mustache growing already.  I can't even begin to imagine how much trouble it will cause when he has to start shaving.

How 'normal' an action is this?  We actually went out to dinner as a family last night!  And it wasn't a total disaster!  Well the food kinda was.  And definitely not worth the money.  I decided I wanted to go out as a family but hadn't decided where yet. So Donald decided that we would go try one of the casino's and eat at the buffet.  Good thing they offered a military discount, and a hefty one at that!  But there wasn't much of a selection really, and we have had better food at much less expensive places.  It was an experience though.  We have lived here just over two years and that was the first time I have even stepped into one of the many casinos around here.  Silly, huh?  The boys did fairly well at dinner, not starting their games with each other or their sister.  Kate had a good time too, though she didn't eat much at all.  Other than desert of course.

I am still waiting to see how Del does with school starting tomorrow.  It means a whole new schedule and routine.  As well as he has been doing, hopefully he will adjust well and all will go smoothly.  If he does, maybe I will finally be able to start doing classes again.  I quit back in October or so since the stress of Del being in the hospital along with everything else was just too much for me to try and complete assignments on top of it.  I really want to finish my Bachelor's, I think I have less than 30 credits left to finish.  Then I can look for a college to start my Master's.  It would be nice to get this done.

Well, we've made it through another day.  Had our bumps but managed to hold it together one more time.  Even with the new medication, the fixations still remain, though not as bad or as all-consuming as they were.  Now if I could just get Kate to go to sleep.  Everyone else is out, but not her.  She's still bouncing around upstairs in her room.  Tomorrow we are going to go to the school so that Del can get reacquainted with the school and the teachers he'll be working with. We'll see how it goes.  I'm going to have him go ahead and wear his uniform to the school tomorrow.  Maybe they will let him stay.  I could use a break.  Even though he's doing so much better, it still takes a toll on me.  Just the stress, waiting to see if or what will set him off and how far he will go.

Today it was missing free time this afternoon.  We had errands to run this morning.  Took Del to see the pediatrician on base to update her about his meds, ask for them to be ordered through our clinic, and let her know about his hospitalization and how he was doing since he had come home.  We left there and got the oil changed in my van.  Del did really good with waiting both times.  After that we went to commissary to pick up a few items that we needed.  He even did really well there too.  I didn't take a list since I only needed a few items.  But he did hold the coupons for me and was very good about Katey being wound up.  By the time we got home it was already just after 1pm.  Lunch was supposed to be at 11:30 and then it's quiet time until 2.  After we got done eating, it was already 1:30.  I made Katey go upstairs for her quiet time anyway (which is probably why she won't go to sleep now!) and Del laid down in the living room with me to watch TV like we normally do.  We all fell asleep, and didn't get back up until around 4.  By that time, we had missed free time, which ends at 4.

Del got really upset since he wanted to play.  It took me almost 45 minutes to get through that one.  Even though he didn't get physical, it still takes a bit toll on me.  He went back and forth between raging and crying.  I finally had to wrap him in a blanket and put him on the couch.  It probably took another 45 minutes to get him to finish calming down. So that put everything else behind.  Dinner didn't get on the table until almost 6, which put us another 45 minutes behind schedule.  Luckily, the rest of the evening is pretty open so we could get back on track.  But I didn't realize just how fixed he was on the schedule again.  Yeah me.  The schedule was to help him adjust from the hospital to being home.  Now we have just transferred to him being fixed on our schedule instead of their.  Whoopee.  Oh well, I know that he needs the routine and structure.  I just never envisioned my life like this, especially at this point.  I live by a clock, every day, all day.  It weighs me down, just thinking about it.

I thought I had come to terms with this life.  Guess just not as much as I thought.  One step forward and two back again.  And there really isn't an end in sight.

A new day

I actually had an uninterrupted night's sleep!  Amazing!  Del stayed down the whole night for a change and Kate didn't wake up with nightmares.  What a difference not being woken up several times a night makes.  Granted I do still have a headache this morning, but that is no different than any other morning.  These stupid headaches haven't given me any peace in over 2 months now.  I just live on my Naproxen every day to keep them down to a manageable roar.

I was reading my email this morning and scanned through a message from a woman with an Autistic daughter.  It broke my heart to read it, since she deals with the same problems I have had from Del for years.  Her daughter becomes violent when she gets upset and attacks the mom.  However this poor lady has had to battle her fear of Social Services as well as all the problems from her daughter's disorder.  Her fear is so great of them that it has pretty much paralyzed her and kept her from seeking the help she needs.

I look back at the years I have dealt with Del's conditions and can't begin to imagine what I would have done or how we would have survived (I don't think we would have), had it not been for the therapists and the psychiatrists that we worked with.  We have had some really amazing doctors over the last 10 years, in different areas of the country.  That has made all the difference when it comes to major problems with behaviors and schools and such.  There have been times that the only thing between my family and disaster was the caring doctors standing with us.

This poor lady on the message board is finally reaching out, looking for help and answers.  She is so far under water on this that she is seriously considering sending her daughter out of state to a school designed for children with oppositional issues.  I hate to tell her that unless she addresses the underlying issues, like sensory overload and environmental problems, that school will fail as well.  She's mentioned going for help but not mentioning the rages.  That isn't going to help her at all.  You have to be honest and upfront with the doctors or else they can't help you or your child.

What a shame that this woman is so afraid to seek help for her child and family due to fear that Social Services will be brought in.

Finally!

Holy cow!  I actually made it through the day!  Everyone but me is in bed and asleep.  A miracle around here since it's only 9:45 at night.  I think I am actually going to call it a day early for a change and make it to my bed before midnight.  Wonder how long it will take me to actually go to sleep....

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Never ending energy

Up since about 2:45 this morning, and he's still going.  Granted, he's starting to get a little grumpy and quick to snap at everyone, but then so am I at this point.  And I managed to doze for about an hour during quiet time today.  Yes, I lay down and hopefully get a nap during afternoon quiet time.  Most people know not to call my house between certain times of the day since I don't like having the phone ring.

People don't always realize that sudden noises, like the phone or the doorbell, can upset kids with Autism.  Luckily, I have managed to find a ring tone for my cell phone that is not shocking or obnoxious that I can hear even when it isn't turned all the way up. Now if  I could just get people to quit ringing my doorbell...  I hate that I have to resort to posting a sign so that people won't ring.  Too bad I can't figure out a way to have a message on my phone during quiet time reminding people that it is quiet time in my house and to call later.

Good grief! Every time something happens, Del (my 13 year old Autistic son) apologizes repeatedly now. He acts like we are going to freak out on him over small stuff. A few minutes ago, he came downstairs to tell me that he accidentally broke something.  Turns out, he pulled the curtain rod off on one side of his window.  Since the bed is right against that window, that isn't too surprising.  Nor is it the first time it has happened.  But he acts like he is going to get in major trouble for it.  I just stood on the bed and fixed it while he stood behind me, telling me over and over that he was sorry and he didn't mean to break it.  I don't think we have ever fussed at him over breaking something accidentally other than to tell him to be more careful.  Now if he breaks something on purpose, that's another story.  Then there are consequences of course.  It's going to be a long day since it isn't even 6 am yet and I have already been up for three hours.

This blog might be a very good thing....  I may have found a way to keep my sanity and relieve stress from the everyday chaos around here.  Hmmm.  Wish I had thought of this sooner.

January 4, 2012

Well, Happy New Year to everyone.  Now that the holidays are officially past, we can go on with our daily lives and put the holidays and their craziness away for another year.  The next question becomes, will I ever sleep again?  Here it is, 4 o'clock in the morning, and obviously I am sitting here at the computer, typing away.  I've been up since 2:30 when I heard my middle child (13 years old) get up to use the bathroom.  Why would that wake me up?  Let's see....  He's only been home about 2 weeks after a 5 month stay in a long-term residential center for treatment of problems due to Autism.  And I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  So of course I wake up every time he opens his door at night.  That is about 2 to 3 times a night.  Every night.  Because I have to remind him to go back to bed and go back to sleep when he is done.  Otherwise he goes back to his room and sits on the bed and talks to himself.  He can do that for hours.  And of course I can't sleep when he does.

I don't think I have gotten a full uninterrupted night's sleep since he came home.  If it isn't him waking me up coming out of his room, his 3 year old sister has a nightmare and wakes me up crying, wanting to come out of her room.  I know I should be happy and thankful (and I am, truly I am) that my son is doing so much better since he has come home. I just wonder if I am ever going to sleep again.  Right now I think I am averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night, taking in all the waking up and having to get up to handle the kids.  And then there is my oldest, who is 15.  Right now he is alternating between pacing his room and pacing the living room.  Yeah, I know, he's 15 and they are night owls.  The problem is that when I have trouble sleeping, I really can't sleep hearing him wander throughout the house.

Ahhh, sweet coffee, the nectar of my life.  If the world ran out of coffee tomorrow, I think I would be in trouble.  I look back at when I was younger and wonder how on earth I managed to make it through my day and take care of two small kids back then without my miracle beverage.  I know, it's kinda silly to sit here and drink coffee when I really, really want to go back to sleep but I think sleep is a lost cause for the moment.  Maybe during quiet time today I can catch a nap.  I actually have a day on my schedule that isn't already accounted for!  Shocking!